Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
