I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
