Will you blow on my dice?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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