I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
