At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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