brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
