i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
