oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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