Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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