Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
