The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
