i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
