Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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