Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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