If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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