Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
