It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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