i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
