I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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