anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
