I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
