i permit you to call me
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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