omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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