With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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