you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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