dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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