The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
