conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
