your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize