i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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