Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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