Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
