walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
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