dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have aggressive nipples.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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