who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
