I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
