Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
