did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
