I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
