i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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