I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
