just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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