I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
