last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
