Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i need some magic done to my vagina
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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