ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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