Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
