So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
