the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
