So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
