It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
